Until I Die
by West FullMoon
Summary: Rin finds out she loves her lord. But he has mated another, and his mate is pregnant. Rin goes to live with Inuyasha till she is old, but now she is ready to return to Sesshoumaru again.
1. Default Chapter

I just wrote this to get rid of my writer's block. Nevertheless, I will appreciate it if you could review.

Why did I love him? People often asked me why. He rescued me from death's clutches and let me followed him. I had a second chance at life, and a better one. He gave me what people often wished for, and did not abuse me.

Why did I love him? His beauty, no, his _perfection_, stunned me. Those amber eyes that were void of emotions and pierced me to the core. His face with the two marks on each side. His pointed ears and fanged mouth. His deadly claws hidden by those long sleeves turned many away. His wisdom was above all others. His suspicious, focused, forever plotting mind amazed me with each day.

Why did I love him? How could I not? I was forever in his debt, forced to follow him till my time has come. Forced? No, I wasn't forced. I would have gladly followed him anyways. To serve him was what I took pride in. I would have followed him to the end of the earth. To serve my master, until the gods above decided I was to be no more.

Maybe I loved him because he was the one person who I knew the longest. Would I still have loved him if he wasn't? I remember the words of the resurrected priestess who rescued me once. "Your love is in vain. Demons love no humans, taking pride in only killing them. You are nothing to him, but a mere worthless toy. You would be the nanny of his children, not the mother." How naïve I was back then, firmly stating that I believed in my lord, stating that he was honorable.

Did I believe that now? No, I did not. As I grew older, my hair turning gray, my speed, and agility, slowing down, I realized the truth. I _was_ a toy, something to amuse him by spouting nonsense and affirming him that humans _were_ fools. I would be no more than a mere memory that was hazy when I died. He would live on for centuries along with his demon mate.

Whose fault was it? My pain, my sorrow, my unrequited love, was my fault. I was a fool to believe in my dream, my most secret desires. He would not bring a half demon into this world, another one to taint his family's bloodline. His half brother has already done that. He, a proud demon, would not settle down with something so below his status. He, who had already forgotten about his first loyal servant, was not likely to remember me.

I remember the toad demon that served him. The person who took care of my when my lord was off. The person who took a fatal blow that was aimed for _me_. I was forever in his debt too, so I promised him the only thing I had to offer. I would never forget him. I kept my promise, keeping my memory of him treasured forever in my mind, afraid to lose it like my master. I often wished that he would return, to care for me, and argue as we used to do. No matter how many times I wished for this, the dead would be the dead, never to see the light again. I must keep my promise.

Now as I stare off into space I realized something. I still loved him. He, who took another into his care, who announced to me that the new demon would be his mate, who could not care less about his deceased servant, who shattered my heart with those simple words: "She is my mate." Was I to wallow in grief forever, when I had a mistress to serve? No, I swore secretly that I would forever follow him. To serve him until the day I passed on. To serve him until the earth itself disappeared. To serve him and the woman that caught his eye after a few months.

I was not blind. I caught the secret glances she threw to my lord. It pained me when I saw him returning those glances with secretive smiles. I was not a fool. When she vomited every morning after a few months, I knew then that I would never rise beyond the status of a servant. Her belly grew fat with puppies. I was left out.

I was still young then. Nevertheless, I was smart enough to know that I was not needed. I packed my bags and left the Western Lands behind me.

He tracked me down effortlessly. I was punished. I was confined to my rooms for a month. I did not mind. I was punished before, when I was still a small child, void of manners that was not expected until I was thirteen.

However, I was never scolded so coldly. He actually told me that I was worthless, and that I should know by now to never run away again, or else he would track me down and feed me to the wolves that I was terrified of. Therefore, from that day on, I was changed.

People often said my eyes contained an innocent sparkle. Now they said my eyes were dull, as if I no longer had a soul. My face that was usually happy and healthy looking; now looked like my master, devoid of any emotions. The one thing that my pet dragon missed the most was my singing. I never sang again, for I was terrified that it would annoy my lord and lady. The warm caresses and pretty flowers that I showered upon my dragon ceased too. The Lady of the Western Lands had said that she detested flowers.

I was aware of suicide. Many times I went into a village I heard of a lonely person had killed themselves. That had not made sense to me. Why would they willingly give up their lives? I was puzzled, and no one would explain to me why.

I know knew why. They wanted to escape reality. Their heartaches were so strong and their sadness so powerful that they wanted to end their eternal grief. I know this because I once tried it a few months after my plan to run away failed.

The servants had caught me, but I pleaded to them not to tell my lord. They were hesitant to keep something important from my master, but in the end, they gave in. I was like their child and sister, their lady to serve before _she_ came along and took my place. I treated them with respect, so they did as I wished. I think we all knew somewhere in our mind that it would not work.

I was right. Our secret was discovered. How foolish I was to think that my lord's keen senses (even keener than the dogs that were not demons and the ones that were) would detect the lies and secrecy. He was most angered, and I witnessed his dark side for the first time. His eyes turned red, his claws seem longer, and then he transformed. I stood mortified at the gigantic white dog with the poison dripping dangerously. I was a fool to think that I could ever hide anything as long as I stay in his care.

Therefore, I packed by bags one more time and left to seek out my lord's half brother and his mate. I went to the legendary village and they took me in. I stayed in the village to this day, earning my keep by caring for the children and helping out the priestess.

My lord's half brother does not trust me completely, but his mate assures me that he does not hate me. I am very grateful for the shelter and food, but I still feel restless in this village. Guilt plagues me, because I know that my lord is sure to be angry that someone took what is his.

I cannot blame him for being angry because of that, but I wish that he would let me rest in peace. He does not need me, and I don't need him. Nevertheless, I feel this emptiness in my heart that I cannot explain. It is there everyday, and it reminds me of my younger days, when I experienced it occasionally.

I explained it to the priestess and she said that it is because I am lonely. I am old, older than most humans should be in the feudal era, and still do not have a husband. I could not have a husband anyways, I explained to her. Girls were married off when they were thirteen to seventeen years old. I was in the care of my lord at those ages, and no one dared approach me in fear of him. That is why the only person I had to love was my lord, and he mated already.

The priestess listened carefully to my story, and said thoughtfully, "It seems to me that you are not only lonely, but jealous of your lord's mate. It is natural to be that." I listened as she said this sagely, and nodded my head as if I understood.

I did not understand her one bit though. Could I have been envying my lady all along? Even if I was, what could I do? My lord had hung up his armor and put away his swords forever, so the only way to reach him was to go to his castle by the seas. The castle that was heavily guarded and none had ever dared to approach but the most desperate and foolish.

I made up my mind and packed my bags. I would leave tonight, under the cloak of darkness so no one could persuade me to abort my plans. I would borrow a horse, since I could barely walk at the age of fifty. It would be a hard two-week journey, but I would do it. The darkness has arrived, and the hunter has set off.

**IMPORTANT**

Should I make this a multi-chaptered story? I was planning to, but I don't know if it is good enough. Please tell me! I think my writers block is gone!

Thanks to my friends Shiningstarangel and Polly for introducing me to Inuyasha! I owe you people big!

Wow! Three pages long! If I get less than three reviews, this would be a _long _short story that is incomplete.

Thanks for reading. Love to all. Check out my other stories! Nya!

-Full Moon


	2. Forgive me

Wow….so many reviews! I love you all! Okay, enough said. I want to thank everyone for taking his or her time to review!

**Review Responses:**

SimpleOne: Yeah, I am making it a multi-chaptered story. Thanks so much!

Shiningstarangle: I know, it is so sad! I am thinking about four chapters total. What do you think? Thank you for your compliment! I read you story. Cool!

Ana: I am a good writer? Thank you so much!

Akika: Maybe you are right, maybe not…Well, I am not sure if Rin will stay old. Perhaps a twist takes plan smirks. Anyways, thank you very much for your compliment.

Candyfizzle: Seriously, it was good? Thanks so much! To clear things up, Rin was around 17 when she was taken into Inuyasha's care. Now she is around 50 years old.

Jiijein: Thank you! I agree. The lady sounds suspicious. But, who knows? She probably is a gentle soul.

rin-almighty-yaoi-lover: Thank you so much! I want you to be happy, but don't die! Seriously, I'll track your ghost down if you die!

SukuyaTsuki: I just updated my other story(s). Like I said, I only did this to clear my mind. I didn't know it would be a hit! Thank you for waiting patiently!

UgLyDaRkFaErIe547: I agree, poor Rin. Thank you for reviewing! Anyways, do four chapters sound good?

LiLFrencHorn: Thanks! Here is what you've been waiting for!

ever-anime-angel: Yeah, I don't want it to be too long either. How's four chapters? Thank you for reviewing!

AzianMu: I suppose…Thank you for taking your time to review (and read my story)!

puppet-cat: Yes, it is sad. I'm afraid I didn't understand you. I don't speak your language (is it Spanish, cause I know a _tiny_ bit of Spanish…). Thank you for reviewing.

Angel64: How aboutfour chapters total, or is that a lot? I enjoy happy endings too, so perhaps I should make a semi-ending. Or I could make this ending happy…wink. I dunno….Thanks for reviewing!

ShinakaStar: Yeah, your message was evident. Thank you so much for your enthusiasm.

Kirina: Perhaps. This topic has been written about a lot, I presume. Thank you for pointing that out. Of course it was better than my story. I don't think I'm such a good writer.

KC and IC: Whoo! Another Sess/Rin fan! Thanks!

???: Thanks!

Tailsy101: I agree. Poor Jaken and Rin. I don't think she has a plan….or maybe she does….heheheheheh

Until I Die

Chapter 2

Sesshoumaru's POV

I looked across my vast lands. It looked bleak and gray. Then again, that's how everything looked nowadays to me. It has been like that for a long time, ever since _she_ left.

Of course, she did not know what she had done to me. She left because she probably thought I was changed by Mimoko, my mate. Alas, it wasn't Mimoko who changed me.

It was Rin herself. She had melted a bit of my icy heart, and improved my patience. Mimoko was merely taking credit for what Rin had done. She wouldn't have been my mate if Rin had never came along and stayed with me for a long time.

I was foolish back then, not taking Rin as my mate because she was a human. I could have stopped her as she ran away the second time, but a part of me felt as if I didn't have the courage to face her…yet. To this day I still don't, and that is why I put away my armor and swords.

I could go to the village she is staying at, but then she would probably slam the door in my face and go to seek out my half brother, who I definitely wasn't, and never would be, in the mood to face. Or I could go there and find out she had died, and I would be standing there like a love-struck fool, which I wasn't.

My thoughts were interrupted by a delicious smell. The smell of lavender and flowers, of innocence and wisdom, the smell of a _human_ met my sensitive and sharp nose. A human near my forbidden home would not be tolerated. But then again, maybe, just maybe, that human is-.

What am I thinking? There is a human near my home, and will receive what others before them have gotten: death. So I went out into the horizon to kill whoever it was. Pity them.

Rin's POV

I rode as fast as I could, and took breaks only when I felt the horse was tired. I was determined to ride as far away from the village as possible, to escape Inuyasha and his ability to detect scents.

But then, what would I do if I met him. Did I have a plan? My mind would tell me later…hopefully.

My heart thumped as I felt something lurking near me. Was I being watched? I looked around but saw no one, not that it mattered, seeing as how I was surrounded by dark trees and mysterious shadows.

I dismissed the thought of someone stalking me and decided to rest at this clearing I found. As I unloaded the horse, a voice spoke up.

"Are you Rin, ward of Sesshoumaru?"

I looked around and saw the one person who I never expected to see: Jaken.

The horse, frightened by the sudden speech, took of in the direction of the village. I let it go. I had no more use for it.

I nodded silently to Jaken, and he suddenly broke into what I assumed was a smile. Just as fast as the smile appeared, it disappeared.

"You shouldn't be here," Jaken said solemnly.

"Are you not happy to see me?" I asked.

"The lands have fallen slowly apart ever since your disappearance," Jaken said. "The Lady is not happy, and Lord Sesshoumaru's tolerance has been greatly reduced. I fear for your life, however short it is now."

"Lord Sesshoumaru? How is he, Jaken? What of the lady?" I pestered him.

Jaken only shook his head and disappeared into the darkness.

I fell onto my knees and began to cry. As if in response, a bird suddenly flew to me.

"Why are you crying?" the bird asked.

"How can I not? My only love has shunned me aside, and I fear for my friend's life and mine."

"Don't cry," the bird cooed. "There is a place where everything is perfect. In the heart of that sanctuary lives the goddess who is in charge of this realm. She can make the young grow old, the old grow young…"

"Where is she, oh lovely bird?"

"She is where you feel she is, in the center of where time and place exists for this world, where your _heart _is," the bird recited, and flew away into the darkness.

"Where my heart is?" I whispered as darkness clouded my vision. "Where I feel she is…"

(Commercial break! We'll be right back after these messages.)

(We're back!)

I groaned as I opened my eyes. How could it be morning already? I just fell asleep!

"Ah. You are awake, or are you? I have been expecting you, young and old alike."

My eyes flew open and my gaze landed upon a woman. My mouth dropped open.

She was stunning! Her long hair was dark as midnight but light as day, her eyes soft and calm but piercing like the sea. What amazed me the most was that she had _wings._

The memory of last night suddenly was replayed in my mind. I hastily scrambled up and asked, "Are you the goddess of this realm?"

"Perhaps, perhaps not. I am what you think I am."

The woman's words were causing me a headache. Couldn't she just tell me something that is not riddle-like?

"You wish to see your lord, do you not?"

My eyes widened and I nodded. Could she perhaps help me with my journey?

"I must tell you that he would not know who you are, since you are now an old woman."

My heart, which had been beating faster than a rabbit's, was now slower than the pace of a turtle.

"But I have something that could help you. But things come with risks, and you must be willing to do so."

I looked up at her. She was gazing at me, looking for any sign of doubt. I looked her in the eyes and said, "I am ready."

"Good. As my bird has told you, I am where time and place exists. I can send you back in time and you will have a second chance to steal your lord's heart. And you will be young again."

"You can send me back in time?" I croaked.

"Almost. I say send, but actually, it is _you_ who go through the process of time."

Huh? What does she mean?

"You will be young again, but you would still be in the time you currently are. You would be seventeen years old again while your lord is the age he still is now. And so will your friend, Jaken, and the Lady, Mimoko."

"I can live with that," I said.

"Hush, I am not finished. You need to break up your lord and his lady's marriage."

Break it up? Could I do that?

"And if you fail, you will die."

Die?!

"But you would go to heaven anyways, so no need to worry about hell. After all, we understand about love."

I can't do this…I can't do this….

"I agree to your terms."

"Then close your eyes…"

I closed my eyes and wondered what I have agreed to.

Too late to back out now…forgive me, Sesshoumaru….and Mimoko.

Bwahahahaha. Thanks to everyone!!! To those who are wondering, I am updating Petals On Water next, then They are you! Death's door, and then Split. Nya! (This chapter is sooo short, forgive me.)


	3. Die

Hello! I wanted to thank everyone for the reviews! The sheer numbers I received amazed me to no ends! As for the commercial thing, I just wanted to see how many breaks I took before finishing the chapter! Thanks again!

**IMPORTANT NOTICE**

As many of you might have noticed, a reviewer has mentioned that my story is similar to another's. I must say, I did not plan that on purpose. As you know, one person cannot read _every _fanfic that exists. I am sorry if I had copied an idea. However, I do think there are many stories like that person's and mine. After all, it is a common topic. Just like in Harry Potter, there is a topic that goes like this: what if Harry Potter lost to the Dark Lord? If a hundred people wrote a story about that topic, does that mean they took someone's idea? In a way, we are all copying something. No one owns an idea.

Until I Die

Chapter 3

I woke up suddenly. Was it all a dream? I quickly hurried to a nearby spring and looked at my reflection. What I saw shocked me.

I was still old.

Yes, it was definitely a dream then. However, for some reason, I feel great relief with a tiny bit of _disappointment._

How foolish I am. I am thinking only for myself, instead of my lord. He had rescued me, and I should be loyal to him. This is not what a loyal servant acts like.

I heavily picked myself off the ground. If I wanted to make it to my lord, I must quickly walk. I am not young and energetic. I must get to him…before…before I…

Sesshoumaru's Point-of-View

I quickly landed gracefully onto the tree. From here, I could see the old woman walking beneath.

An old woman dares to seek me in my dangerous territory? My, what has the world gone to?

I quickly jumped in front of the person, and was shocked at the face I saw.

Rin's Point-of-View

I stopped suddenly as someone jumped in front of me. I gazed open-mouthed at the person.

"Rin," Sesshoumaru said.

"Lord Sesshoumaru."

"Why are you here?"

"I…"

"Yes?"

"I wanted to see you."

"Me?" Sesshoumaru asked, one eyebrow up.

Did he have to do that? Didn't he know how that affected me?

"Yes, my lord. I have something to say," I replied, bowing down as far as I can with my old back.

"Well?" Sesshoumaru impatiently demanded.

"I…I…I want you…" Did I just say that!

"You want me to do what?" Sesshoumaru looked curious.

"Nothing." Could he really think that it was impossible? "I want you."

Sesshoumaru gazed at me silently. And for the first time in my life…I felt ashamed.

The silence still hung in the air before I said something that I knew all along.

"Please, before…" Why couldn't I day this? "Before I **_die_**."


	4. The EndIn This Lifetime

Hi! I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who reviewed! This story is ending… (Sobs) I **might** make a sequel when I…uh…finish one of my other stories first. And sorry about this chapter, some characters are acting not quite like themselves, or at least, that's what I think. And so sorry about the shortness.

Until I Die

Chapter 4

"Rin," the gruff voiced said.

"Yes, Sesshoumaru-sama?" I asked.

"You know that is not possible."

"B-But-" I stuttered.

"I have mated. And you should have done the same."

"I cannot mate anyone else. You made sure of that," I shot back, knowing how improper I was acting and how absurd this conversation was.

They say love changes the bad to good. Well, now I have learned something else. It changes the good to bad. How could such a simple four-letter word be so complicated and destructive?

Because it is always tied to another four-letter word.

**_Hate._**

Such a strong word. Its meaning is clear as water and used so many times.

Hate and love. To hate one thing is to love another thing, and to love one thing is to hate the other. These two words spelled so simply, but cause so much confusion.

One cannot hate and not love. Nor can one love but not hate. It is like yin and yang, good and darkness, morality and immorality. Now I have another example.

Immortals and mortals.

He, my demon god, is an immortal. I, his lowly ex-servant, am a mortal. Immortals and mortals are not meant to be together, just like demons and humans. To cross that sacred line would be the last thing you would ever do. Just like Inuyasha's parents.

"I know. And for that, I am-"

You are what, Sesshoumaru-sama? If you already know, then why did you even bother not letting me go away the first time? Death is not something I fear like most people. Sure, I am scared of it, but that is normal human instincts.

Not that you would know about how humans and I feel, Sesshoumaru-sama.

I died once, and I know I shall die another time. I know how that priestess, Kikyou, must feel now.

Why do you even bother, Sesshoumaru-sama? Sometimes, even **_I_** wonder if you kept me only for _amusement_.

"-Sorry."

Sorry? The great Sesshoumaru-sama sorry? I know that I am lucky to hear such a thing.

But it's too **_late_** to apologize. **_Decades_** too late.

"You are not, Sesshoumaru-sama. If you truly are, you would let me follow you."

"This…this Sesshoumaru cannot."

"Then do not apologize if you don't mean it."

I quickly turned away. How foolish, Sesshoumaru-sama. To say you are sorry, but unwilling to make it right again.

"Rin," I heard his voice call me.

"Don't "Rin" me!" I heard my own bitter voice snap. "Leave me alone!"

Is that really my voice? So harsh and unfeeling? Sesshoumaru-sama, what have you done?

I quickly ran in the opposite direction before he could stop me. How foolish dreams are. To live a life without dreams is meaningless, but to live one with dreams would be stupid, for when your dreams are crushed, so are you.

I could feel salty tears running down my cheeks. _And for once, I understood how Sesshoumaru-sama felt about the world._

_**More importantly, I understood how he saw humans.**_

His voice said a message to me, a message that I memorized by heart.

_"Next time…"_

Yes, next time…

_"…we'll meet again."_

…we'll meet again, when I am reborn.

And how soon that will be, for two days later, I passed on. But I did not grieve, because it was love that made me die. For I could not live in a world without you.

My soul will watch over you, and you will rest knowing that I am there by you as you sleep. In the middle of the night, the darkest hour, a lone white figure stands in a middle of red roses, smiling, _always **smiling**_…

For I will always be your little girl…**_Sesshoumaru_**…

_Always…_

_**…until I die.**_

(cries) So touching, even though I wrote it, I still cry whenever I read it…(sniffle) Well, until next time, this is West FullMoon, signing off!

_May you have good waves…_


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